WHY IS POKER NOW A SPORT?

Poker is everywhere these days--on the Internet, in casinos, and even on TV--but why, oh why is it on Fox Sports and ESPN?  Why is poker now considered a sport?  Where's the body contact?  Who's the coach calling in the plays?  Which player is the "home team"?

I thought I had seen it all a couple of years ago when ESPN started televising cheerleading, but watching a bunch of people sitting around a table calling for more cards has to be the most yawn-inducing spectacle I've seen since fishing hit TV.

What's next, professional tiddly-winks?

ULTIMATE FIGHTING IS NEW KING OF THE RING

There was a time when people looking for sports entertainment would go to boxing matches.  In the old days, the fights would be "bare knuckles", and a rash of injuries led to reforms in the sport which included the wearing of padded gloves.  Injuries were diminished, but some people resented the changes.

Boxing matches traditionally have attracted large audiences and huge revenue from betting and sponsorships.  Then, during the 60s, a young man named Cassius Clay took on the name Mohammed Ali and flaunted his electrifying persona to become the biggest name in sports.  During the Ali Era, boxing enjoyed a renaissance that endured until the "bad boys" came in.  This new breed of boxer had nowhere near the class of Ali and resorted to public violent outbursts to hype the matches.  It all led to a decline in interest.

On the reverse side of the coin is professional wrestling.  A stepchild of circus and carnival hawking, pro wrestling was considered boring by many fans because the "scientific" style required holds that sometimes lasted too long for the action-hungry crowds.  In order to give the sport a shot in the arm, the matches became scripted from beginning to end.  In the beginning and until fairly recently, the powers that be in wrestling vehemently denied the scripting, but too many people found out about it, so they no longer even try to hide it, even revealing that they have story development writers.  This has brought pro wrestling the nickname "soap opera on steroids".

Pro wrestling came to be known as "sports entertainment" when a number of state athletic commissions refused to sanction the scripted matches as pure sport.  A major news story that revealed the widespread misuse of drugs in wrestling gave the sport a black eye, and the recent deaths of several prominent wrestlers have further tarnished its image.

In the 70s and 80s, a new form of "squared circle" fighting emerged.  It was called the Tough Guy Competition, and it involved regular Joes, sometimes with little or no training, who went into the ring to beat the living daylights out of each other.

The Tough Guy variety of fighting was exciting because you never knew what you'd see.  It could be a wrestler going up against a karate expert, or a boxer fighting a man who just thought he was the toughest guy in the world.  The results were just as unpredictable.

Tough Guy fighting needed to evolve to survive too, and it did.  Promoters organized the fights and leaned toward athletes who had trained for grappling in one or more forms.  Schools were started to train the fighters, and the sport took on a new name, Mixed Martial Arts (MMA).  As its popularity soared, the matches began showing up occasionally on television, bringing in even more fans.

Today we have the International Fighting League and Ultimate Fighting as the major divisions, and the two have begun a merge similar to professional wrestling's, which may soon lead to a single entity simply known as Ultimate Fighting.

Like Mexican and TNN wrestling, MMA matches are fought in an unconventional-shaped ring--an octagonal cage without a top, made of wire.  The combattants wear very lightly padded gloves, and can do pretty much anything to beat each other into submission, except for biting and low blows.

Recently, MMA's pay per view shows have outsold both wrestling and boxing, and most events are sellouts.  A card held at Anaheim, California's Honda Center sold out the venue in less than 15 minutes.  The sport is doing a booming business and has even spawned a reality show on the Spike network based on the lives and training of the fighters.

Where boxing and wrestling used to look over their shoulders and saw MMA as a distant competitor, they now have to look ahead and plan new strategies to catch up on Ultimate Fighting, a task that may very well have become impossible.

MORE WEIRD SPORTS

OK, forget what I said about poker earlier.  There are a lot of things on sports TV that really are marginal as far as being a sport is concerned.

In my mind, a "sport" is a "sport" when it involves actual physical competition and interaction, especially when it's one on one.  I think we rounded the wrong corner several years ago when ESPN began broadcasting the cheerleading championships.  Sorry, guys and gals, but no matter how high a human pyramid you make, all that "rah, rah, rah" is NOT a sport.

I like billiards and bowling.  I've done both, but these are not sports, they are GAMES.  You want to make it a sport, then let the guy who's NOT throwing the ball at the pins be able to dive across the lanes and block the shot.  Billiards could be a sport if it had any action at all.

Ever see the lumberjack competition?  Yes, there is a lot of physical exertion, but it's an acquired taste, like caviar or the Bush administration.  Not enough people care for this for it to appear on TV.

A final word about golf.  Why is it that golf announcers start whispering when a player gets ready to putt?  They are about three miles from the action in the broadcast booth.  A cannon could go off by them and the players wouldn't hear it.  Stop making fools of yourselves--there's no need to whisper.

I'll take three cards.

IT'S STANLEY CUP SEASON AGAIN

Here it is, April again, so it's time to start talking about Lord Stanley's Cup once more.  Even people who never watch hockey but are sports fans know that the holy grail of the ice is professional sports' oldest trophy.

The Stanley Cup is not only well respected, it's the most pampered sports trophy in the world.  During the course of the year, as it's taken around the country, the Cup is stored in a luxurious case and driven around in a limousine whose only other passenger is its caretaker.  This caretaker constantly wipes and polishes the Cup and handles it with white gloves.

Interestingly enough, members of the winning team at the end of the playoffs get to take the glittering trophy home for a while, and this has led to a number of interesting places for the Cup to travel, including mountain climbing and water skiing.

Much to a lot of people's surprise, the Anaheim Ducks won the Cup last year.  Those who said it was a fluke may wind up eating their words.  The Ducks are in the playoffs again this year, putting together back-to-back 100-plus point seasons.  Anaheim is opening up against long-time rival the Dallas Stars.  Dallas took the opening game by a score of 4-0, but there's a lot of hockey left.

Fans in Montreal are elated that Les Habitants won their division and appear to be in great playoff shape.  The Canadiens, one of the original NHL teams, are being joined by other original teams from Boston, New York, and Detroit in what promises to be a great post season.

My picks for teams that can go all the way: Detroit, Montreal, Pittsburgh, and Anaheim.